"It sucks to be a frown-up."

Sometimes life just kicks you in the gut.

I am currently nursing an emotional bruise which is obviously when I write the most.

A combination of dealing with an old hurt and child wrangling (complete with screaming, kicking, hitting and just plain old wailing) is making me feel vulnerable.

To some, it would seem that I complicate my life unnecessarily. Hell, if I'd met me, I'd think so.

The loneliness has crept back in. Insidious thing loneliness. I think I'd been keeping it at bay but a few nights ago I crumbled. So, I'm on a low. But at least I can recognise it for what it is, and I'm sort of breathing through it I guess. Kind of like breathing through a contraction.

Some days it takes an effort to live. I read an article today about trying not to try. The Chinese Taoists call it 无为 (wu wei), or in the words of Yoda, "Do. There is no try." It's about flow. Some days, my flow says, stay in bed, curl up under the duvet and just cry. Luckily or unluckily, I have a small child who will not be ignored or denied. And luckily for her, I don't have it in me to do so. Yet.

I wish there wasn't so much real life... stuff... to do. I wonder why some of us are so ill-equipped to handle the day to day, and why for some it's... 无为.