Goodbyes

I had to say goodbye to someone a couple of days ago.

It wasn't a casual "See-you-later-we'll-catch-up-at-some-point" kind of goodbye - this felt a bit more permanent. I knew that it was extremely unlikely that we would ever see each other again, or even be in touch. We're not connected by social media and there would be no "Hi-how-are-you?" messages. It seemed that we were closing the door on our... I don't actually know what to call what we had. It wasn't a relationship in the couple sense (we weren't one) and friendship doesn't seem to quite cover it either.

I've asked myself why I felt so attached this person numerous times because quite frankly, he was infuriating, often and with great delight on his part. And to him, I was frequently too this, too that, too demanding, to the point of overwhelm. And yet, we kept keeping each other company.

In my quest for self-knowledge and self-control, I am learning the subtle art of letting go. I can be surprisingly and frighteningly persistent -- I know this isn't a bad thing but like all things, too much can be destructive. And so, I will let this go. It will be hard I know, but I have to.

I will miss our what-ifs conversations, our endless speculations. I will miss sharing our stories, dissecting frogs (our ideas of humour being so peculiarly different), winding each other up over ideas and beliefs. I will miss excitedly sharing our discoveries about Life, the Universe and Everything, knowing that the other will "totally get it". I will miss teasing you and being teased by you. Most of all, I will miss hearing your voice, an almost daily occurrence, now gone.

Here's to a new door opening, a fresh chapter starting. So long, and thanks for all the fish.