It's been eight weeks since my corporate job ended and I launched myself into the great unknown.
I've signed up with various recruitment agents, created a profile on Freelancer.com and finally uploaded my work on Vimeo.
But...
I've been hesitating about actually producing my creative CV. Stalling about contacting those great companies I would love to do work for. When I actually sit down and start, I become paralysed.
I met a personal trainer this week - not as a client, but on a date - and he certainly had interesting things to say about fear and failure. I don't think I've ever met anyone with such indomitable belief in himself* -- it was almost breathtaking. He's right of course.
Google "procastination" and its causes, and fear is the number one answer. So the question is, what am I afraid of precisely? That the people I contact will look at what I have to offer and go pfft. That I'm not actually as good as I think I am. That I'm kidding myself. Round and round, ad infinitum.
I know what I need to do, but I am struggling to move, even though the prospect of impending poverty is making me slightly sick.
But I am moving, even though it feels like I'm moving through peanut butter.
*It also helps that he's not yet 30. The date itself was lovely -- he made me laugh, cry(!) and feel wonderful. It was a much needed lift to a grey day.
No comments:
Post a Comment