Three Most Excellent Days

What we got up to this Easter weekend

I am sat in the midst of the bombsite that is my living room on Easter Sunday -- Little Monster had decided to fling everything out of various drawers and my wardrobe around -- and feeling grateful for the amazing last few days.

My long weekend began with a tremendously fruitful meeting with a client up North. We got on like a house on fire, and I honestly believe this is the start of a brilliant working relationship*.

Business aside, my personal life has also been wonderful.

Every day that I get to go to work, I am grateful for the generosity of my dear friend A. His kindness has been nothing short of staggering. But for him and his equally awesome wife, I would not be here, cheerfully lamenting the mess in my living room.

Serendipity has been bringing another just as big-hearted friend, Yo, more often into my orbit. Little Monster and I had been in town late one evening, unusual itself for that time of day, when I saw her in front of us. I called out to her and it turned out that she had been trying to find my number on her phone right at that minute! The result was a lovely dinner together that time, and a few days later, this morning, a traditional Polish Easter brunch which culminated in us just hanging out in my living room playing with Little Monster till dusk.

Saturday, Little Monster and I decided to visit High Lodge Thetford Forest.

Eep! We may be lost!

In my naivety, I thought we would be able to get there on foot from the train station. Oh, we did all right, but by criminy it took a long time. We followed the map but were faced with roads and no pedestrian walkways, so detoured onto "public footpaths" into the forest. We wound up trekking through the trees with a vague idea that we should head towards traffic "over there" to get on the road to High Lodge. There was a minute or two where I thought I might have gotten us lost as we'd gone off the beaten path, and were trudging through undergrowth, following the sound of cars.

Alas, poor crocodile,
we knew him well.

Finally,we found the road that led to High Lodge and ran on to it. By then, we had been walking for over an hour and were just a tad tired. To our dismay, the road to our destination seemed endless. Roadside banners teased us with what was ahead, but twenty minutes or so in and there was still just road ahead. So we started hitching! It was my first time doing so, and bubs really got into the spirit of it, I was so proud of her. At least ten vehicles passed us by before one family stopped and offered us a lift. Thank goodness for small acts of compassion.

I must say, our seemingly epic journey was worth it. High Lodge Thetford Forest is a child's wonderland, full of delightfully challenging structures for climbing, sliding, jumping and all those things kids love. We gravitated instantly to the breathtakingly tall, winding slide and Little Monster just grinned and grinned and grinned. I think her cheeks must have been aching by the time we had to go.

Sympathy for the Monster

We spent the afternoon running from area to area and trying just about everything. My favourite section was the sound play area, the bells, gongs, sound pillows were enchanting. There were even story trails like the Stick Man and The Gruffalo. We had lunch in what they charmingly called The Pantry and finished on the giant see-saw. All that and we still hadn't exhausted all that the Forest offered: there was Go Ape, and archery, and a bouncy slide, and I am sure there are places we hadn't yet discovered. The only downer was that we had to get a taxi back to the station -- walking it was out of the question. The fare was shocking to say the least. Thankfully, I had just enough cash to pay for it. A thoroughly good day was had by all.

Just one of the Wild Play places

On the romantic (?**) front, things have been unexpected. This weekend I enjoyed the company of two people who were facing extraordinary challenges. One was pulling himself out from under a traumatic past, and the other was coming to terms with a gradually worsening condition that would drastically alter his life. Both of them have shown remarkable strength and grit, and I feel privileged that I am a part of their journey, even if it is but a slight one. Getting to know them has put my own life into perspective, but it has also made me consider my role at this particular point in theirs. For that, I am humbly thankful. I look forward to our next encounters and hope we grow to be good friends.

I have so much to be grateful for. Even the times when I am at a loss to know what to do with Little Monster, the times when I am almost in tears because she's desperate for a playmate and I just cannot be that. The times when all I can do is lay in bed, incapable of action. Thankfully, those times are brief and mere blips in an otherwise brilliant life.

*Workship? Businesship?
** I don't know how to name what it is that I do. I don't exactly date, in that my purpose in meeting new people is not to find love in the conventional sense. I suppose you might call it cultivating companionships.

Thank you for everything

"We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better." JK Rowling

A month into 2016, and already I have so much to be grateful for.

My right to work in this country is now irrefutable and I have the amazing generosity of my friends to thank for that.

I finally received the money that was due to me after persisting for nearly four months. I couldn't have lasted the journey without the help of my wonderful friend, Master M.

At the end of the year, I had sold a few pieces of art and a meeting with an old friend, K, has given me much food for thought and more impetus to do this as a business.

My contributions to a dating website helped to win them Best Commercial Blog at the UK Dating awards and they have now been shortlisted for the UK Blog Awards.

Connection with an intrepid explorer* is filling me with envy with every message, post, picture he shares, but it's also sowed seeds, awakening the adventurer in me. Bubbling away is a plan... a totally head-in-the-clouds-this-is-impossible idea. Perhaps it will remain a wish, a beautiful dream, but I must try to make it happen.

I renewed a connection with someone I had thought gone, who introduced me to the word saudade, a Portugeuse word that conveys a longing for a person, time or place that is lost.  He's pretty darn awesome.

A coach once observed that I need my own cheer squad -- I am the kind who needs people to push me, encourage me and it's true. I draw my energy, my joy from the people around me. After I left my marriage, quit the day job and basically left every safety net I had constructed, I found myself in a near constant state of feeling bereft. A year on from becoming a single mother, I still feel like I'm missing a piece, but I'm learning to cope. And in the last few weeks, I have come to a realisation and a resolution: Right now, at this time, spending hours and hours by myself is not natural to me. I will stop berating myself for not wanting to be alone, for refusing to accept that state. And you know what? I will no longer allow someone else to tell me I should be.

So, I am taking steps. My friend VL asked what drives me. And the answer was simple: people. Being connected to them meaningfully. I need to be in a situation where I am working with others on a daily basis. And because I am the way I am, quite a number of others to spread the impact. And I have to do this, or I will short out the connections I already have. I have also recently been sharply reminded that I need to be gentle with fledgling connections, something I had forgotten in my enthusiasm and delight. I am sorry they got overwhelmed, and if they choose to come back, I will do my best to accommodate them. Another reason to change the status quo sooner rather than later.

I am still trying to figure out what is the best version of myself, and will I ever recognise it if I ever achieve it? I do know this: when I am 80, in the wee wee hours of the night, when I am alone with myself, I want to have a wealth of memories of a life lived well to make me smile.

Here's to a future worth writing about.

* Who led me to this brilliant song, the soundtrack to today's post.

Things I am grateful for - notes from a Single Mum

What a weekend!

I am grateful for PTAs, without whom there wouldn't have been a school film, Christmas Fayre and dozens of excellent events. Little Monster had a brilliant time despite falling off her chair (well-deserved bump on the caboose since she was tilting her chair backwards, had a bit of a cheeky grin on when she told me).

A strange thing happened to me at the fair - I had a slight panic attack, elevated heart-rate, hyperventilation, desperate desire to flee. I had to move to less crowded corner to breathe properly. I don't think I'd ever been that uncomfortable in a crowd before. I guess it must have been the enclosed space. It only lasted a couple of minutes, but I was wound tight as a spindle, and had to grit my teeth for Little Monster's sake. Fortunately, we then found friends and just like magic, the tension evaporated. It's amazing what a friendly smile and a welcoming greeting can do. And mulled wine. That took the edge off too.

When we got home, I had to have a bit of a "lie down". Damn, was I was tired. And continued to be so all the way through our dear friends' party. Ah! What a lovely, cosy evening! Our first Canadian tree-trimming party.

Apparently, in Canada, you went outside, chopped your own tree down, brought it in-doors and trimmed it to fit the space. And it's a tradition to invite friends and family to help decorate it and the house while consuming much food and alcohol.

Little Monster and I had the best time - there was gorgeous food, such amazing cakes! and great company, stories, songs and colouring in! Everyone was invited to draw and colour in themed pictures to hang on the walls. Of course, Little Monster was in her element. Although, I think her favourite bit was actually doing the tree (our contribution was home-made baubles from pine cones which we painted silver and covered in glitter.)

Sunday we went a little stir crazy at home but a little wrestling, and careful chopping up of a Romanesco broccoli for dinner sorted us out. 

I am, once again, down to my last few pounds but you know what? My life is incredibly rich. Yes, there are moments of sadness, slices of despair, but I can't help but be thankful that I have had the privilege of experiencing the wonderful gifts that life has offered.